what happens when "I" die? when the body dies?

Gary Weber

Q.

wanted to thank you for the last session. a fully realized, that asks for nothing in return

finding that the "me" wants terribly to survive. whether as a soul, as a universal force (Self), some how, some way. it can't reconcile the fact of total oblivion.

why do some teachings seem to imply that there is no death? they rationalize, you are the Self, the Self is eternal, deathless, timeless, etc. and that is you, so there is no death. it seems that in these teachings there is this quality that existence will continue, however not in a personal way.

as far as i can see, and from limited experience, existence will not continue... existence needs duality, multiplicity, needs an experiencer, once transcended, end game. believe you say the same thing...

last time practice, intensity dwindled once it came to the point of seeing this. the "me" shot back, what the hell are you getting yourself into!! it rationalized that it would be better to exist and suffer than to not exist at all...

this is kinda where i'm stuck... just wanted to get your thoughts regarding this matter.

love,


Gary:


Namaste.


It is the "me" that is worried about going away, not surviving, extinguishing, etc. i did not find the loss of the "I, me" to be a big problem, in fact, to the contrary, "life" is so much sweeter, easier and fuller w/o the "I". i can't believe i put up with the &^%*& "I" as long as i did.


The "I" puts up a big fuss, worry and show about how existence isn't possible w/o it; it just isn't true. It's just a mental construct, it never has been real, never will be real; it's just a crazy quilt of old memories patched together. The "I" is at the root of all of our problems, guilt, pain, anger, despair, etc. W/o the "I", those fade away.


Planning, solving problems and "living" itself, are so much easier w/o the "I" and all of its background worrying, projecting, etc.


Life is just so much better after the "I" is...at least heavily demoted to a very minor role like turning on the water in the sink when i want to make some tea w/some title like "second senior assistant vice president in charge of morning tea water".


This is a very different thing than what happens after the physical body "dies".


i have been told by some Indian swamis that i am a great proof of reincarnation, as the course of my life is so improbable, i must have been a yogi in a past life. i have no recollection of any of that. Reincarnation (and karma being carried over to another body) seems, from a logical scientific viewpoint to be an incredibly complex and difficult thing to pull off from many standpoints.


i don't believe we go to some heaven in the sky where all of our desires are fulfilled. That's too much like a fairy tale everyone wants to believe so we can be manipulated into behaving a certain way.


i believe that we just dissolve back into the Infinite Oneness and some part of us remanifests in another form with other pieces and parts, but not all of us in any one form. There is so little of "Gary" left other than a few idiosyncrasies, why bother to create another one? Let's build something else...


in my experience, there is "something" that is greater and more enormous that could be imagined and it is all of us as One. i can't see where i end and something else begins; i already feel absorbed in the One - where am i going to go? Everyplace is Home. It is hard to envision that the One is going to go away, it is Everything.


Hope this is helpful or useful. Any other questions, let me know.


stillness, love and surrender


Gary,

Yes, this has helped things settle a bit.

As a child, I have sleepless nights in terror stirring over this idea of being "dead, DEAD" then came organized religions, and this fear was superimposed on fantasies of heaven/hell, then reincarnation, then came advaita and well... gosh this fear almost paralyzed me as the dissolution became more and more.

How's your schedule for next week, Gary? Would you mind joining me over a cup of tea on skype?

love,