John
Gallagher (real name) works in retail tech support, has 3 young kids, and was a charismatic Christian. Six yrs ago he went into
contemplative Christianity, doing contemplative prayer. He has
been working in nonduality for about a year, practicing deep surrender and
acceptance. This is a two month FB messaging follow-up on earlier posts "Dialogues w/John (cont) - openness, love, peace, freedom" and "Dialogues
w/John...10 wks to "absolute, stunning, perfection...".
John
I had a
significant falling away today. A lot more freedom and openness felt now. A confidence that any problems we have in our
life (family, finances etc) will find a way of working out, without worrying
about how. So... it feels good.
Gary
However things
"work out", it will be perfect, even if it doesn't match our
expectations. i have had lots of
everything, then not, and then lots again, and then not... It is a dance.
Surrender and deconstructing the "I" isn't
something we do to get a "better deal". It is a more sane, peaceful
and effective way to live, but it doesn't guarantee that everything will be
exactly what we wanted, or what our family wanted, etc.; in fact it may be
just the opposite.
As my one Zen teacher often said "What happens to
you is none of your business." Just
keep letting go, and letting go...
John
No need for anything... no desires to really speak of... kinda... odd!
There is no 'spiritual' and 'not spiritual'. Everything
does have a spiritual quality….everything is held in this body... the
intelligence, everything... Much more
peaceful now the little 'I' idea is nearly gone.
John
 |
| Christina's World by Andrew Wyeth |
Completely
lost, screwed and hopeless! Ok... it's
passing now... phew. Although it may
return I suppose! Really rough...intense thoughts and emotions. Feeling stuck and just downright awful. Grumpy, angry, low... worthless.... mega negativity piling on.
Not fun.
I guess it will all shake through...
Gary
Do something
physical, go for a long walk(s). If you do any workout routines, do them as
much as you can. Get into your body and
exercise it with a lot of focus on your breath.
John
I like going for
walks. Do that a fair bit.
Life has calmed down.
Gary
The temporary stuff is common. As the brain makes new highways, it leaves behind debris that needs to be cleaned up. That manifests as "intense thoughts and emotions", and "grumpyness". After the debris is cleared away, traffic can move more freely. (
John
A free flow of
life, with no-one to 'own' it. But yes
- 'intense', it was!!
John
I thought I was 'done' and then a massive
dose of intensity/emotion/story just came/went last night/this am. Able to see it for what it is more quickly now. Very, very
intense! It can feel like you're
moving backwards!
John
I
awoke and saw clearly that I am not these thoughts or sensations or anything
that is coming and going. This is a
first and I do feel different.
Stillness/peace seems to describe it.
My wife and I have had a tumultuous relationship, but
I feel this flow of love towards her that I've not felt before - and it is not
of my own doing.
Gary
Now you
know why "stillness" so perfectly
describes it. It is a recognition that there has been a fundamental change - it's not "business as
usual".
That flow
of love towards someone with whom you have a long, "tumultuous" relationship is a wonderful thing. With it will come increasing clarity to see
her as she really is, w/o stories or "past", with an unfolding and deepening of
the relationship.
 |
| John Gallagher |
John
The change in the
last few hours has been amazing. Like going behind the scenes of life!
Everything Is. There
is no separation, as they say!
This is it, baby!
Gary
The brain is a transceiver, not a creator.
If tuned properly it transmits signals clearly; if not, garbled signals emerge. Our cognitive
neuroscience (and practices) help keep this transceiver operating as efficiently
and seamlessly as possible. If we are
aligned w/Source, life dances in a magnificent way.
John
More opening/deepening. I
could get used to this. I don't hate my
job anymore!!
Gary
Now that's real
progress.
John
I knew something had changed.
An openess with myself had developed which I could feel in my gut
area. Still plenty of resistance, but
this felt new, different, and i somehow knew it was what i had been
looking for.
The morning i spent with my wife - a mixture of peace and inner
turbulence. Throughout the day things
seemed to ease off - coffee with another close friend. Then skyped with you and realized that the 'big shift' had indeed
taken place.
The ease that now surrounds my experience is palpably different. i stepped into a
new way of being, but within the same 'life situation'. This ease is more all-pervasive, and concurrent with
the thinning out of the experience of personal identity. Personal identity has all but
disappeared.
 |
| Albert Einstein |
There is "no one here" and "nothing is happening", but these
are not dogmas, simply facts, when life is seen a certain
way. Not any "truer" than "life is
happening", but more accurate to describe life as an illusion or a dream because
of its transitory nature.
It both 'is' and 'is not'.
I Am. I am that which is aware of and enlivens all things. i am
the source of all. There is none beside
me. This is the truth.
This 'I' is not a personal 'I' - not the 'I' of John. It is "The I" - the "I of ALL". The Allness.
God. Consciousness. The One Life.
God, dancing as one... appearing as many... I am a mystery!
The peace and ease are now the prevailing experience. Thanks again for your friendship and guidance
in these matters.
More
freedom... and a much clearer seeing that the phenomenal all comes and goes -
including thought and sensation. There is no 'God' that is other. I am that very God.
Stillness... silence…
Shalom, my brother.
Maaaaan. I Knew it
would be worth it!!! All the struggle
and pain and heartache!
Gary
Shalom,
indeed...There is no 'God' that is other...
John
Reading “Dancing Beyond Thought” made me realize that I was not established in the Self, so I laid down and an hour or so later - there is no doubt, although 'doubt'
can be seen to be in the body.
Opening and deepening…greater awareness of the lack of
self. It simply is not there! Life, however, certainly is.
This seems to be the end of 'me'. It feels rather joyous! Presence more and more apparent... That sweetness that has no reason, no cause... It just is.
Still some
contractions within this body...a transitional phase with
more “awareness” but still some “darkness”.
Good has won and victory has
been declared but some aspects are not quite up to speed yet.
Gary
Most folk have
"ups" and "downs". The
ups are the brain's highway construction, the downs are its crews hauling away the
debris.
In "Dancing Beyond Thought", see p. 64. This is the nature of the Dance for 2500 years, at least. For the way "out", p.
26...keep looking for what doesn't change in the midst of the Dancing, even
among the sadness, joy, exultation, etc.
Even
when the music seems a little faint, or off-tune, the Dance continues
perfectly...
John
 |
| Adyashanti |
Nothing can touch you.
This... is... the dance of the Divine.
We associate a certain feeling with divinity...but divinity
includes every feeling, and no feeling. A
knowing that This is free, untouched and untouchable...Discovery of my true
nature is not what I thought it would be!
The peace that passes
understanding..the holy world…the kingdom. Wow, Gary. Wonder and awe. Stunned to a silent awe...I wrote this:
When I see you I must have forgotten My lover
But here you are and always were, just
that my eyes were dim
Grace has befallen me and clear sight has
been restored
My heart Your heart, This is the kingdom
The joy of joys, The dance of the divine,
Here we are!
May you know Your true beauty
Gary
Composed by no
one...the dance of the Divine
John
The outside /
inside thing just fell away... my 'non-dual awakening' when
“the world turned”. Perfect peace is
here! Totally unrelated to what is
happening. Totally unshakeable!
Definitely I can say the small self is no more. Some hubris remains…moodiness seems to
accompany this process!
Gary
Yes, watch for
hubris. It will sneak in like Gollum from the back of the cave and attempt to
grab back the Ring. Many psychological actions/reactions remain. If you look @ Dancing Beyond Thought on
p.64, you'll see the guidance on working w/moodiness.
John
A further awakening; the first felt like an awakening From
something - this feels like an awakening To something. Into fullness. Into true Life. No resistance whatsoever. A limitless ocean of peace.
Gary... I'm happy. For no reason
… I am happiness. Either way is fine.
Awakening to
myself. True peace.
What joy, Gary, what joy.
No comments:
Post a Comment