nondual awakening experiences - Dominic DIY dialogues

 Dominic (real name) has a 50 hr/wk supervisory job, wife, new baby, and has been working w/"me" on nondual awakening for a year.  This third post covers our dialogues since the blogpost "DIY nondual awakening w/big job, family, 3 yrs on/off practice", which described his "state" and practice.  "Dialogues w/Dominic...DIY nondual awakening w/job, family...", covered the weeks leading up to that "state".    

Dominic:  Started chanting in the evenings when my wife is working and baby is sleeping. Haven't been following any particular chant. Just letting whatever comes out come out.
Feels good.  Don't feel a need to follow anything particular.

G:  i have a chanting video complete w/words.  There are three simple chants there w/different ways to chant them.  

D:  Thought "happiness beyond thought" book was lost...found it sitting on brother Anthony's nightstand.  Let it stay in its place.  Put a smile on my face knowing he may have read some.  Wondered whether I should take it or leave it.  Performed inquiry.  Forgot about it.  Going home my wife said "I found your book in the bathroom. I packed it for you".   Funny how that worked out. :)

Any thoughts on dreaming and "blah blah" stuff popping up in the dream state?  Last night dreamed about dad not liking my wife, and I was defending her.  Caught me by surprise. 

Today, felt helpless as inquiry could not assist during sleep.   Angry for a minute, but caught off guard.  Have you experienced something like this?   It is 7 pm and there is some stickiness to the dream.  Discouraging.

Maybe life's way of telling me to press on or encouraging me to face the biggest thing I have to let go of..."my" wife.   Not let go in the literal sense; I'm sure you know what I mean :).

G.  re book's movement in Anthony's world, who knows why he found it interesting or how it might manifest.  Great your wife found it, although it would also have been great even if she hadn't.

re dreams, they haven't been useful or important for me.  Most cognitive neuroscientists pay little attention to them and regard them as the brain's nightly housecleaning of various old stories, as well as recent stuff going to long term storage or the trash.  

Different stuff gets thrown together, just like w/memories that are recalled on a given subject.  The memories get changed by the addition of something related and similar, but not part of the same incident.   

That is why folk get dreams w/unusual combinations, particularly around old, long-forgotten memories; they may have been in the same garbage bag.  If the memories aren't being used, or aren't wanted, the brain will throw them out  as it "repurposes" valuable real estate.     

yes, whatever your remaining attachments are, the more you let go of them, the more available you will be in the future to deal effectively, openly and w/o any past stories w/folk.  It can strengthen the relationship, IME, as you see "others" more clearly and understand  many things about their behaviors that drove you "crazy" before.  i've been married a long time; been there.

D:  Not abiding much today.  Certain things cause discomfort and even w/inquiry there is much anxiety.  How can child molestation, rape, Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, etc. be acceptable?  Really testing the practice of inquiry.  Almost like things are getting "tougher". 

Feels like there's a push to the last bit of surrendering; ego wants to hang on.  Telling me stories about how "weak" I will be if I give in.   My buttons are really getting pushed...try that on for size or what about this?   Seems like the "I" is using every single trick to prevent progression. Is the illusion really an illusion? Maybe we are in a fish bowl being watched by ET forces. If we can imagine it then it must be a possibility.  Right?  Losing my damn mind... Funny thing is, Gary, w/all this drama, I still know the answer. I am. That's it. It is enough. Do you remember the last moments of surrender? Impressed by your honesty during bloggingheadstv video about loving others as much as "your" children.  Narrator seemed surprised because his idea of "love" is not the same.  To truly love another is only loving your self.  I am experiencing this. G.  "Awakening" isn't a destination, it's a continuing process.  The Universe keeps "the dance" interesting w/increasingly difficult challenges as one "progresses".  you will never get a challenge you can't handle, but it may stretch you to your limits.  As Harada Roshi says in my book, "Enlightenment is capable of endless enlargement". As you keep clearing out the rocks and weeds, the lake keeps receding and more rocks, some long buried, become visible.  They too will be cleared away as the water recedes.  It isn't going to stop until the lake is drained and all of the rocks are gone.   Many folk have trod this path before...not all were successful, but some were.   It is all about persistence and courage.  Being concerned about Daumer, Hitler, etc. is the activity of the I/ego trying to find something, anything to hinder progress.  Such speculation is endless and fruitless.   Progress from where you are is inevitable, no matter how much the "I" whines and tries to find something to distract the work.  The "brain" would not go "back", as you have discovered. D: I am truly scared...the ego is testing me to the extreme.  Whenever I recognized a decision was "ego based", it resulted in fear with a capital F... Nothing looks appealing.   Those closest to us have a purpose. They bring us to the heart. Gurus. No wife, no child, no me.   Crying.   I now get there is nothing to get.  The whole time i thought there was something to get. Something to realize.  But this is it.  No more, no less. Why didn't you just tell me that?   Smiling. G.  As fast as you were progressing, i knew you would come upon it at the right time, the perfect time, and you did...Telling somebody ahead of time is pointless; a standard theme and ultimately true, but folk get sidetracked by it too early in their "path" and believe they are "done" when they aren't. D.  It's fun being aware of "others".  Today my wife is going on and on about this and that...what happened in her day, the gossip, paying the bills, talking about Izzy.  I look at her with a smile.   Aware and present as can be.  Seeing her for who she really is and nodding at the beauty. This is a gift.  And all i can say is thank you. Grace is so deep. When it touches you, it hits home; the real home. She certainly has been a super guru. :-) Question on chakras, do you know what the throat represents?  Not familiar w/definition, history, etc.   Feelings occurring in the throat.  G. Yes, spent much time w/kundalini and chakras, but don't usually focus on it; much "woo, woo" and charlatans, IME.  Chakras roughly correspond to bundles of nerves, which is why many cultures found them.  Logical that focusing attention there could have some impact. The throat chakra is the fifth in many systems.  As this is where your voice-making apparatus is, it is associated w/communication, etc.  It is easy to get seriously lost here; if you want to go deeper, let me know. D.  One of my favs: Ramana Maharshi "Self-inquiry is the one, infallible means, the only direct one, to realize the unconditioned, absolute Being that you are."    Ramana Maharshi Enough said. Happy G. Yes, a perfect summary.  It really is, as you say, "enough said". D....1 + 1 = 2  The problem with that logic is that nothing is just "one". 1 coffee cup is compromised of many different components, yet we call it "1"...nothing of this world is actually "1 thing"....I have experienced that there is nothing that can be labeled as just one thing. Nothing and everything is more accurate.  Smiling Rich Doyle Watching Youtube. Rich Doyle says,  "Let your heart do it and everything will come to you" Please tell Rich, "Very cool statement." Happy Just being aware is enough.  Shifts occurring as this is realized, lived, felt.  Hearing sounds for the first time.  I was unaware of the energy and life occurring around me.   Because "I" got in the way.  Happy, sad, scared, afraid, worried, angry, on and on.  They're just labels for emotions...no more, no less and increasingly less bothersome. Everything is well.  How could it not be.  Still smiling. No one does anything to anyone. . . When someone says i did this to you, or you did this to me, the truth is no one ever does anything to anyone.  It may seem or appear that way, but the truth of the matter is quite different.   As soon as something is "done", it is gone.  Nothing that is ever "done" can come close to penetrating the Truth of who we are. Amazing. Smiles Grace in every instant, moment after moment.  How calming is that?  Peaceful to know it wasn't my choice.  It just goes on and on.  I am not going anywhere ever, am i, gary? Smiling a lot today!  G.  Yes, if you are "now, now, now" and surrendered into the understanding that you are not in control, that there is no free will, and that there is "no doer", it all just falls away.  No one does anything, nor did anyone ever do anything to anyone.  All of the "doers" are illusions.  we are all empty boats bumping into empty boats. D.  There is not much more to communicate about.  Were you pointing me to it until i realized it for myself?  I realized that there is nothing to realize.  Just life.  That's it. How nice is that. Thank you.  G.  It was just the Universe pointing @ Herself, until She decided to let go of this particular illusion called "Dominic" and "you" become absorbed in Her.  The thanks all go to Her; it is all Her dance and She changes it as She changes it. There was never an i Hi Gary, there was never an "i" to begin with so how could i ever go anywhere?  How cool is that.  Ultimate smiles tonight!! :-)  Really having fun now. . Stillness.