Dominic's awakening continues...dangerous confrontation, tears, guilt, fear, letting go...

we've been watching Dominic's (real name) awakening unfold in several Dialogues w/Dominic blogposts ("Working in a 'big job' w/family, w/o thoughts", "DIY nondual awakening w/big job, family, 3 yrs, on/off practice"), etc., covering his experiences after working together for about a year of e-mail communication after his 2 years of 15 - 30 minutes/day for 3 - 5 days/week meditation.  

When we began working, his practice became more diligent and he put self-inquiry into every aspect of work and family life.  (about 250 hrs total meditation; his during-the-day program for 1 yr probably adds another 600 hrs)  Dominic's awakening continues to unfold, and his Dance continues.  Here are the latest interchanges (redacted) w/Dominic's e-mail subject titles; my comments are in italics...


Losing It...Lost 

Dominic.  Feel like there are too many boulders being thrown at me.   
This is a great learning experience. 
We are empty boats yet we perceive yachts bumping into each other.   
I am not close to having any answers.  Embarrassed that any one would ask advice from me.  


gary.  It's never over, having boulders thrown @ you; She keeps upping the game as this is a learning experience for Her as well and She wants to keep learning.  you're Her learning pod.  

D.  Thanks.  Sometimes a simple word or two does the trick.   

There were years of getting "caught" in thought, often in the same recurring thought loop.  Things aren't as "sticky" now.  

The realization that time is an illusion and free will just an idea make for an enjoyable day.  Boulders are there but I step out of the way and they pass by. 

Profound things are really very simple...
There is just this, and this, and this. 

So easy.  

A flower says it all. 

Superb. 

Perfect.

No mistakes.

How amazing.

Love

Pleasant feelings occur when i meet people and i am there.   A truly different moment occurs.  No separation.  Looking at another and seeing to the being inside.  

Knowing the joy, pain, sadness, happiness, fear, anguish, anxiety of another being without any "I" to take hold.   Holding them harmless for the actions. No judgement. No ideas. 

Just being there.   No I, no other, just this. 

wow, how she dances. 

She Flows  

Amazing, happy, free...

She is expanding through emptiness. . . The dropping off of boulders that once seemed so heavy leaves nothing but Her beauty to dance through me. 

She smiles and sighs, cries and laughs, through me.

She is and She is and She is. . .

Just let Her be and She just might take you. 

Ask Her and She just might answer. 

She Cries  

She cries through me as She looks at the beauty of Herself in a woman and child.   Just the fact that they are there means it could be no other way. The total acceptance of the moment. Speechless

G.  Great stuff...so clear, deep, true and "yes, yes".  

At times all one can do is just smile at the utter magnificence, completeness and perfection of it all.

D.  At any moment, we are just the moment. 

No more no less. Timeless. 

Functioning w/o past or future. 

Birds making sounds, a guy whistling, more birds, a fire truck, kids talking and yelling, dog barking, car starting.  

Standing on the porch just being in this moment. 

Enjoying it.

She Not Me

Realizing that She uses me as a microphone. 
Nothing true is ever done by a personal "me" - what is done is over the moment it happens.  
Immediate grace in each and every step. 

Love of pure acceptance.  A mystery hidden within. 

Energy

The energy of being is at times so intense that "I" want to stop it.  The body gets so excited during very still moments that aliveness creates an energy similar to a sexual orgasm.  So excited that "I" want to drop back into "me-ing" versus "being".   

Walking to work...a feeling of floating, walking on air, excitement, chills...the energy feels overwhelming.   Inquiry seems to intensify the feelings.   Feels good, yet overwhelming.

Carl Jung

G. Yes, your feeling of intense energy is natural and "normal" as is the "wanting to stop it".   It is the "I" trying to hang on, to upset this process which it sees is dissolving the belief in its reality. 

Give the "I" a title, like "third assistant vice president in charge of breakfast quality control."  Talk to the "I" like it was some entity different from you, which it is.  Give it this assignment and tell it that its previous role was eliminated because the results were unsatisfactory.  This is rooted in Jungian psychotherapy and it even works.

The Point

What is the point of flowers, birds, sky, music, grass, chairs, rocks, trees, happiness, sadness, anger, light, energy, acceptance?

Is the point to enjoy it?  Is the point to just be aware of the beauty w/o self-referential thoughts? 

What is my point?  Why am I?

The deeper "I". The "I" of being. 

What the hell is the point? 

Is there no point? 

Is the entire universe here for nothing?

Who is asking the questions?  Who am I? 

Nothing would like answers.  And yes there is no answer. 

Confused.

Tired. 

Worn out. 

G.  Who needs to know?  From "not knowing", these questions don't arise, nor is there confusion or suppression.   Everything is always perfect, just as it is.  "Dominic" has reasserted himself and is desperately trying to derail the process; just keep trying to find him.

The Basics  

D.  Thanks. Yes, "Dominic" has reasserted himself.  
Know what needs to be done now.  Back to the basics.  Persistent inquiry.  For a while there were few thoughts and it felt like inquiry had served the purpose. 

Apparently there are more layers to be peeled. 

Surrendering to "the practice" with persistence once again. 

Appreciation 

It's OK 

I can relate to the murderer, molester, bomber, etc., and not judge. . .   They were just so caught up in themselves and didn't know a way out.  Fearful and afraid to the deepest degree.

I feel compassion and do not get angry at the deeds that were done.  I feel their pain. 

Compassion for the unthinkable deeds is true compassion. 

Acceptance of the unacceptable is love. 

G.  Great work on relating to the murderer, bomber, etc.; a practice in some lineages.  "Be with" a picture of the person you most dislike until you can let go of all that arises and fully accept it.  

Yes, "acceptance of the unacceptable is love".  Much arises that is "totally unacceptable" until you have to accept it.  Surprisingly you can; we are highly adaptable.  

Dan Gilbert
Harvard

A TED video by Dan Gilbert on "Happiness" describes a study on whether paraplegics or lottery winners were happier one year after their event; actually they were just as happy as they were before the event.

Dominic and I

D.  I am OK with Dominic.  Forgiven.  He didn't know another way. 

I am and that I am. 

Big smiles today.   

Content with this and this. 

I am not going anywhere.  Ever.  Prior to birth and death I AM. 

Beyond all words and all meaning.

All is as it is. Perfect imperfection.

Who wants anything more? 

G.  Yes, the real question always is, are you in a space where nothing could be brought in, or removed, that would make it any better?  Who would it be who would want anything else?

So Simple 

D.  Give it up. Smile, for it's not real. 

Sight is only "true" after realization of the phantom "I". 

She reveals Herself in a miraculous way.  Let Her drive as She has been doing it anyhow. 

Not "I".  Not "I".  How sweet it is to see.  Really see. 

All along "you" and "I" have only been communicating with our Self.

The words assisted in seeing that I AM and you are.  That is all.  Better said, we are. 

Until now i didn't realize we were only talking with our Self.  The one Self.  No different.  

Communication  

The deep acceptance of the moment brings about a level of love and compassion that there are no words for.  Miraculously evident yet missed. 

I AM 

I have no name and I am beyond this body. 

When you are just that  

Step out of the way and accept "good", "bad", whatever and let it be. 
I don't do "bad". I don't do "good". I don't do anything. 

Excuse my language, but that is a "holy s***" moment. 

I don't have responsibility. 

She wills and I don't know why She does.  I have no control.  It is not my fault. 

That realization is the hardest. . .It is not my fault. 

Guilt is not mine to bear.  Brings tears.

Crying.

Something wants to say "sorry" for the "wrongs". 

Guilt is a tough layer of that onion.  She isn't finished peeling. 

G.  There is no point in being "sorry" for "wrongs".   Nothing could have been done differently.  Many unknown events led to that "wrong" which were out of your control; after it was done, there was no way to know how, or for how many, what resulted was "wrong" or "right".  It may have caused great joy or pain; there was no way of knowing.  No way. 

Inquiry 

D.  The only thing that has truly touched my heart and brought me closer to all has been our communication.  Sometimes I wonder if us talking has helped you?  Has our communication brought more stillness?   

G.  It is of course, perfect.  She talked to Herself through "us" about everything She wanted to say.  There really is no "me" to be helped, really.   

your open sharing has made a difference to others.   i hear it at conferences, in e-mails, etc.  Folk now know that a "regular folk" could awaken in "reasonable" time w/a job, wife and child. 

Experience  

D. Live in a rough neighborhood w/some gangs, etc.  Was just now threatened by a gang member. 

i was as still as possible but extreme fear arose.  Fear still lingers.  The body is shaking.  Nothing physical happened but it was "close".

No reaction, just sticking to the facts is what possibly prevented physical harm.

Scared right now. . . But OK.

Who am I?

Where am I?

Why am I?

And all is quiet. . .

The Encounter With This Human  

Eyes filled with fear which could be mistaken for extreme anger.

Looked into the eyes of death.  Death of being. 
There seemed to be no life, yet even when fear took over i still want to bless the human that "created" these feelings.

Dominic was scared. . . She sure wanted to display something.  Not sure what it is, however, it is felt that She wanted to test.   

Confused.  Extreme fear makes one wonder.

It too is as it is.  No harm done.

Who am I?  

Inquiry is needed at the moment.

G. your self-inquiry and awakening "paid off".  you were present, aware, clear, and didn't "freak out" which would have been dangerous and easy for many folk to do.    

Try working w/whatever residue remains.  If you can feel a place where it is localized, move towards that and see if you could "let go, let go, let go" of it.  Ask "To whom does this fear/anxiety arise?".

As far as this being a "test", IME, the deeper one goes, the more challenging the "tests".  She gives you ALL, but not MORE, than you can handle, as that's how you/She learn, at least it feels that way.

Looks like you passed this test.

Letting Go 

"Letting go, letting go, letting go", actually does the opposite of what a "me" would consider "letting go" to be.   
We actually open up to a love so grand it covers our whole being. 

What would be considered weakness is actually strength. 

Non-reaction to a "test" may appear weak to the "world" when in fact it is exactly the opposite. 

Interesting 

Love and kindness 

Appreciate your ear.

Last Thing for Now  

Enjoying the moment. There is no other, so why not?

BTW, all of the Dialogues with Dominic are in Dominic's new book "Dialogues with Dominic: A Chronicle of Inquiry and Awakening" along with dialogues that occurred after the posts, and dialogues of Dominic with the editor of the book, who i have also worked with for some time.