Dialogues w/Rikki - deepening/changing practices, losing interest in socializing

Following the "Dialogues w/Dominic" series ("Dominic's Awakening Continues...", "DIY nondual awakening w/big job, family, 3 yrs on/off practice", etc.) i got another very different folk, "Rikki" (real name), to agree to reproduce our dialogues.  

he is single, mid-twenties, working in a job he's not crazy about.  he's been on "the path" for a while and saw "no self" about 2 years ago.  he wants to deepen his understanding and help others.  This is the second of these chronological "Dialogues w/Rikki"; the first was "Dialogues w/Rikki - Stuck in "dead-end" job, making career choices, spiritual alignment."

Going Deeper Into Practice

Rikki  

I noticed I ALWAYS have a feeling of dread hanging over me.  Worrying about something that COULD happen.  Using your book to work through that, will let you know how that goes.

Need to learn to let go and trust. 

Gary

Turn your internal gaze around, and feel as precisely as you can where that dread is located in body-mind.  Move towards it, opening to whatever energy is there, and see if it has a "message" for you.

Yes, it sounds strange, but move as much as you can into the "dread".  Feel what is "underneath" the feeling.  Is there a fear of some sort?  Then use the "can i let go of this?", etc. approach as well as "What feels this dread/fear?".

Rikki   

Really need to dedicate more time and focus on inquiry, getting so much out of it. 

Feeling more aligned with life, a clarity of direction I haven't felt in a long time, guiding me.  Beautiful to not have to 'think' these things 'ourselves', but be the organic vessel that life itself lives through.

Saw this:  “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

I've really been trying to meditate more often, but finding a lot of resistance internally. I am spinning 100 plates in life right now and find it tough to stop. 

Did you set aside a specific time each day and then force yourself to 'practice'?  Maybe if I 'force' myself then I will have to work with whatever resistance is there.

i've come from a background of studying psychology, hypnosis, NLP, etc, as well as spiritual work.  Basically anything I could find to 'improve' or 'better myself'. 

Now i've found your work is by far the clearest and most helpful of all spiritual practices I have tried, so i am firmly on this path, yet I do wonder on your thoughts about NLP, hypnosis, etc.

Gary  

Check out the five "Dialogues w/Dominic".  Dominic has a "big job" w/much responsibility, a wife and baby and in one year of working together w/only 3 yrs or so of on/off meditation practice (total about 900 hrs), he is really "there". 

he stuck self-inquiry into everything in his day, and it worked.  he was OK if he missed an opportunity; he just did it as often as he could.

Re the resistance, that is typical when progress is being made. The "I/Rikki concept" comes up w/all sorts of reasons like "this is a waste of time", "there is just not 'enough' progress", "there are better things to do", etc. 

Remember that the "I/Rikki" concept is fighting for his job, being "in charge", and maybe even his existence.  "I/Rikki" will pull out all the stops to try to stop this asap. 

Gangaji

i know what NLP is and have been around folk like Gangaji (very helpful) and Eli Jaxon-Bear, who were reportedly practitioners.  IME, it works until you recognize it, and then it feels like manipulation.  If you're still and empty, whatever comes out is the Universe speaking...it doesn't require "linguistic programming".

i don't know much about hypnosis, although i have worked w/folk who were experts in it.

re "self help", i found "self removal" to be more effective. 

i tried many of those approaches, but they only reinforced the self by creating a "doer" of the process.  In contrast, IME, the Byron Katie and the Sedona methods are really useful for "self removal" in addition to self-inquiry.

Explore chanting ("Using simple chants for nondual awakening") and yoga posture flows ("Using yoga postures w/self inquiry for nondual awakening"); there are videos now on both chanting and yoga flows.  Both approaches are very powerful when done meditatively, and particularly useful if one gets "stalled".

Rikki  

Checked out 2 of the posts and plan to implement inquiry into my day-to-day life, not just as a sitting meditation.

Have noticed my attention being drawn to the postures and chanting, where before I simply had very little interest in it.  Seems like this is the next step, so very interesting you mentioned that.

I loved how you and Dominic worked together with this, him checking in and you giving the necessary guidance.  I will let you know how practice is going, and hopefully we can follow the same dynamic.

Gary   

Yes, Dominic and i went back and forth for a year by e-mail whenever he had a question, problem, or insight; we phoned a few times.  i also work w/folk on skype world-wide.

Using other processes appears to work better than just sitting, particularly if folk are doing some chanting and yoga like in the videos.

The brain apparently gets real insight by interrupting its habitual patterns, even briefly, during day-to-day life.   If support/coaching is there from someone who has been there/done that, it can flow pretty quickly.

Lack of Interest in Socializing

Rikki   

Fantastic Gary, I feel very strongly that I need to focus on this now; it's time for this to happen.  

Have been inquiring a lot in day-to-day life, and as you say the brain does seem to very quickly have picked up this interrupt in its software.  The question "Who feels angry/attached?", etc., seems to appear almost automatically ("...can letting go, or inquiry become 'automatic'?") when the thought/feeling/emotion arises.

One thing i've really noticed is the lack of motivation to socialize.  I feel for the most part that socializing is one ego talking to/impressing/attention-seeking to another ego, and it's very rare to find genuine people.

In one sense I want to be alone, yet in another I understand that to go out and be in the world is a great practice for me.   Staying at home inquiring is now a lot more appealing than talking to anyone.  The more awake 'I' become, the less 'I' want to spend time with others.  What do you make of this?

Gary  

The "lack of motivation to socialize" is a typical happening as one progresses. The brain increasingly realizes that this new state is "really cool" and wants to be in that space and change the operating system to stay there.

It is not a problem to be in relationships - as you point out, it is a great practice.   Agree that typically socializing is "one ego talking to, impressing, attention-seeking w/another ego".   

you will find that "genuine" folk will find you; your energy is changing and folk will pick up on it, even though they don't know what has changed.

Practices Changing

Rikki   

Practice-wise things are going great.  Have been doing the first posture flows in your book for around 5 mins per day.  Started to use 'koham, soham, na aham, soham' (p. 33 in "Happiness Beyond Thought") while doing the postures. Practiced some chanting last night and just now - definitely feel the benefit from those.  Feel a much calmer presence already.

Have been inquiring throughout my day w/whatever comes up... "Who feels jealous?", "Who feels angry?", etc. 

Love how things are starting to flow w/o the need for a "me" to "decide" what to do. Of course it was always this way, but the illusion i had any "say" in anything is clearing.

Although things are changing, i can see there is a ways to go.  The practice seems to get easier the more i do it, and the 'benefits' are a great motivation in times when the challenge is a little greater.

i still feel very unsettled when i try to sit in silence for "classical" meditation.  Lots of resistance from the mind and a general uneasiness that disturbs the peace.

Gary  

your practice is going pretty well.  The posture flow w/the "koham..." is excellent as is the chanting. 

Keep focusing during the chanting on where the chant comes from, the space it manifests into, and then to where it disappears.

The practice does get more deeply embedded the more frequently it is done. The key is looking back every so often and seeing if you are suffering less than you were a month ago.

The sense of things "starting to flow w/o the need for a 'me'" is also a great indicator of progress.  Just keep watching when you are "meing" and when you are simply "being".

If sitting meditation isn't working, then stick w/the chanting and posture flows w/the "koham".  It isn't a requirement that you do sitting meditation.

Thich Nhat Hanh

When i was co-leader of our regional Zen center, we did walking meditation ("Nondual, self-inquiry meditation while walking") often; many folk liked it better than sitting meditation.  It is very simple.  Just coordinate your breath w/your steps and walk slowly and mindfully. Thich Nhat Hanh has some simple directions for it.  you can insert the same practices that you do in the posture flows.

Rikki  

Will be practicing chants, posture flows and inquiry until skype session.  May message you with a question, but for some reason I feel an urge to really hit this hard until our skype session.

Rolling with the energy, life is beyond what I thought it could be.