Dialogues w/Rikki 3 - joy of NOT being in control, feeling meditation, no "I" needed

Following the "Dialogues w/Dominic" series ("Dominic's Awakening Continues...", "DIY nondual awakening w/big job, family, 3 yrs on/off practice", etc.) i got another very different folk, "Rikki" (real name), to agree to reproduce our dialogues.  

he is single, mid-twenties, working in a job he's not crazy about.  he's been on "the path" for a while and saw "no self" about 2 years ago.  he wants to deepen his understanding and help others.  This is the third of these chronological "Dialogues w/Rikki"; the first was "Stuck in "dead-end" job, making career choices, spiritual alignment.", the second was "Deepening/changing practices, losing interest in socializing".

Scattered brain patterns, "ridiculous" thoughts, working w/feeling

Rikki 

I felt moved to write to you today.  I just had my first of 2 math exams.  I don't feel it went great. I would like an 'A' to help towards future plans, and I still have another exam on Friday, so the situation is salvageable.

My thoughts right now are ridiculous, my brain patterns are so scattered, and I feel very 'un-optimised'. 

I feel a huge amount of stress from these exams as i've devoted a significant amount of time each day towards them, and feel, today at least, that i've done badly. 

I have been working through attachments as they come up, and this situation is definitely bringing into awareness some major ones.  Maybe this is why I am so stressed?

I felt compelled to ask for your guidance.  I find it very difficult to focus on one thing at a time and my mind jumps from one topic to the next, overwhelmed by the amount of things I should have learned.   Unable to segment and focus on each piece.  My CPU is maxed out = inefficient mind.

How can I relax, and become clear again?

(we had an intervening skype chat on working directly w/feelings rather than using the intellect, and a guided meditation along those lines)

Rikki 

Hey Gary, working with feelings as opposed to intellectual thoughts has been great. 

Since our chat i've noticed some very uncomfortable feelings that arise, dance for a while, then leave, and then move back to stillness. 

Still have this knotted feeling in my stomach, definitely residual tension from past experiences that need to be worked through.

Had an interesting day, certain things I wanted to do that seemingly all got done without any effort or struggle.  Cleaned the house, meditated, did some yoga postures, answered messages, sunbathed for a little while, etc.  It all just got done in its own time, as and when it arose.  Really beautiful way to live.

Had a great dinner with my mother - beautiful feeling to just be with another person.   She has a lot of anxieties.  I feel my presence was a benefit and we had a open, flowing chat before she had to leave. 

All in good time. All as it should be.

Beautiful.

·        

Gary 

Great progress.  It is really much more powerful to work directly w/the feelings, as you have seen.  Keep working w/ and on the knotted feeling in your stomach; see if it has a story, color, temperature, size, pieces and parts, etc.

Tremendous that you also observed the amazing thing about self-inquiry; that it is both a beautiful feeling and great way to live. 

Also, that, amazingly, somehow everything that needs to get done, is accomplished, in its own time, perfectly.   It is, as you say, "all as it should be" and "beautiful".

Great work.

Free will and control

Rikki 

The brain is definitely re-functionalizing, almost of it's own accord, of course. 

Feel the meditations we had, have given it some very good pictures to work with, although find i'm unable to focus as well on my own.  

The sense of being in control continues to fall away.  Just watched your predetermined video again ("Everything is Predetermined: Einstein and Ramana Maharshi") and it hit me with a much deeper understanding.  Seeing the science behind it also drives it home.

Have seen how futile my attempts at controlling life have been, the internal resistance making absolutely no difference to how anything turned out. 

Seeing reality through a hazy stream of thoughts, definitely beginning to clear.  Seeing 'mistakes' from the past with much more clarity, although knowing they were necessary for this moment to be as it is.

Girlfriend is on board with a lot of this work, noticing big changes in her too, beautiful.

Have a strong sense that anything other than awakening is a distraction.

Been moved to talk to a couple doctors yesterday and make calls today regarding healthcare experience.   Proving difficult but have a background feeling that everything will work out as it should.

Very much enjoying not being in control. 

I could always sense something 'wasn't right' throughout my life, acceptance of whatever is feels fulfilling and although I can still feel old attachments, the brain seems to be coming around to the idea wonderfully...haha

Much gratitude for you guidance,

Gary

Sounds like some fantastic progress.

The letting go into the understanding, the knowledge that we are not in control and never have been is a huge step. The most amazing thing is that it is so sweet when you do let go; not what folk expect, nor what i expected.

It is a big step, also, to realize that the brain is doing the refunctionalizing, "all by itself".  It couldn't really be any other way.  we have no idea what it's doing anyway, or how it has done it until now. 

The brain has its own best interests "at heart".   It will refunctionalize to support the best ratio of pleasure/pain it can find, if we just give it enough "pictures" to work with.

Meditation and Bhagavad Gita Verses, Becoming More Social

Rikki 

Have found sitting meditation really useful lately, I think our conversations and your YouTube vids have provided me with a lot of knowledge.

I feel I have a good grasp of 'this whole thing' (whatever that is, haha) so now I feel strongly that I need to give my brain as many pictures as possible.

I use your guided meditation video ("Nondual awakening meditation - Where am I?") to intro, and the last couple days the Bhagavad Gita verses.  ("You Are Not In Control - Bhagavad Gita Verses")   Experiencing beautiful moments, and understand it will continue to re-pattern offline.

Noticed this has become the most important thing in my life, everything else stems from it anyway, so how could it not be?

Also noticed when i've had a deep meditation that everything I do is much better than when i have a jumbled mind. Finally unleashing some of the potential I could always feel dormant within.

 Generally feeling more sociable now, maybe starting to see everything as One so no disconnect from one to the other. Very cool.

Also noticing some huge over-reactions to things that occur in life, excessive worrying, anxiety, etc. yet I let them be, let the energy pass knowing it's like a fire that will eventually blow itself out.

Gary

Sounds like things are progressing perfectly.

Great that you have found the Bhagavad Gita verses (book - "Dancing Beyond Thought: Bhagavad Gita Verses and Dialogues on Awakening",  youTube of chanting all 60 verses -  "Dancing Beyond Thought: Bhagavad Gita Verses for Awakening") useful as well as the guided meditation. 

There are several other guided meditation videos that have been filmed, but have not yet been processed and should be up in the coming weeks, so you will have some variety.  (They are now available: "Nondual awakening meditation - letting go, acceptance, surrender", and "Nondual awakening meditation - opposites and spaces".)

Yes, this does become the most important thing in your life, and as you point out, it all flows from that. 

The becoming more sociable again is also great as you are operating from the realization that everything is One; this too is perfect just as it is.   you may find that you become more comfortable "alone" and then more sociable, by turns, as the dance continues.

your handling of the "overreactions" of all sorts is the right approach. Some component of the feeling that they are "overreactions" is due to their being apparent against a more still background; the contrast is much larger than it was in the past, so they look very large.  As it manifests, just ask "To whom did this feeling arise?", or "To whom did this anger arise?"

Things are going very well.

No "I" is Necessary

Rikki

Great news about the guided meditation videos, was going to write to you about how beneficial that was a while ago, but of course it has turned out perfectly as it is.

·    Definitely chipping away at this now, last week while driving I asked myself who was driving, and noticed very clearly it was being driven by itself, with no me really necessary.

Also seeing how crazy it is to believe we have any control over anything, a logical viewpoint tells us so much of our life is decided for us, really not a huge leap to see it all is.

Beautiful to see that no 'I' is necessary, no 'I' needed for life to work, it all just does so perfectly.  Everything being done as it needs to be.  

Feel a massive pull to meditate, to keep deepening, to re-code the brain. There is of course some anxiety being felt, still some work to do there.

Starting to see how easy life is, we really don't need to do anything.  If we just get out of the way, it is done for us much better than we could do it.

Marveling at the coincidences that are impossible to predict, little smile to myself, awe, appreciation.

Noticing a desire to travel, to explore, to adventure, will see where that takes me as my initial plans were to save hard for a mortgage, desire for that very small right now.   Only my mind thinking it's a good idea keeping that dream alive.

Gary 

Many great "understandings" in your latest. 

It is astonishing how much easier it is when you realize you don't have to make it all happen against the forces of the Universe, when you realize the Universe is w/you, and even "is" you, not against you.

The ongoing "coincidences" are such an amazing thing to see unfold, and as you say, to kind of just smile at them.

The "understanding" while driving, is an example of the type of recognition that is so valuable, as it is "yours", and you saw it directly.   That will not be forgotten.





BTW1.  Because of great interest, the blog tripped limits w/Blogger for the new magazine format, so comments aren't visible for any posts, but still exist. Google is working on a fix.  Will continue to post to FB and Google+, so can comment there. 

BTW2.  Folk said that Scribd was charging to download my "free" "Happiness Beyond Thought".  i was not aware of that, but now "opted out" of their "subscription program", which i was automatically placed in.  It should be fixed for both books now.
        
BTW3.   Will be presenting @ EE Just Symposium @ Dartmouth in Hanover, NH on Oct. 5 @ 2:40 pm in 104 Wilder Hall on "Is it time for our new operating system?  A perspective from cognitive neuroscience, long term meditators, and psychedelics research".  Open to the public. 
           Also presenting "Happiness Beyond Thought: Meditation or Psychedelics" @ the Unitarian Universalist Church in Nashua, NH on Oct. 6th @ 7:00 pm.  Donations only.
           Will be presenting @ the Science and NonDuality Conference in San Jose, CA on Oct. 27 @ 11:00 on "Psychedelics and Nondual Awakening Create Similar Perceptions of Reality".  Will be there for the entire conference - if you're around say hello.