Dialogues w/Rikki 4 - Jealousy, anger, letting go, dancing

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  Following the "Dialogues w/Dominic" series ("Dominic's Awakening Continues...", "DIY nondual awakening w/big job, family, 3 yrs on/off practice", etc.) i got another very different folk, "Rikki" (real name), to agree to reproduce our dialogues.  

  
  

  he is single, mid-twenties, working in a job he's not crazy about.  he's been on "the path" for a while and saw "no self" about 2 years ago.  he wants to deepen his understanding and help others.  This is the fourth of these chronological "Dialogues w/Rikki"; the first was "Stuck in "dead-end" job, making career choices, spiritual alignment.", the second was "Deepening/changing practices, losing interest in socializing", third was "joy of NOT being in control, feeling meditation, no "I" needed".

  
  

  
  

  Jealousy and Competition

  
  

  
  Rikki

  
  

  
  

  Great to get feedback that things seem to be progressing well, as first hand experience is changing often and feeling better all the time.  

  
  

  Can understand now what you mean about multiple selves, and finding attachments in many number of things that systematically need to be seen through and unattached.

  
  

  I have a friend that is a few years older than me, earns a very good salary with a lot of time off (and no, not a drug dealer...haha) travels all the time, owns a house etc. 

  
  

  Had a phone call earlier this eve, felt massive jealousy as he's living such an awesome life. 

  
  

  Sitting quietly in the garden, inquired into the jealousy, and also 'who cares?' experienced a glimmer of the state you describe of everything being perfect as it is, and that nothing could be added or taken away to make this moment more perfect than it is.

  
  

  A glimmer, but a good start.

  
  

  

  
  

  Also felt the competitive urge come up 'that's ok but i'm working towards enlightenment...beat that!!' 

  
  

  Luckily I can see this for what it is and can laugh at that now.

  
  

  Every new experience feels sweeter, more complete and right.

  
  

  Need to up my game though, feel a huge compulsion to crack this now. Really do have the 'hair on fire' mentality haha

  
  

  Would you suggest setting aside an hour a day for meditation along with inquiry throughout the day? Could you guide me on how best to utilize my time?

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  
  

  Great work w/the "massive jealousy". 

  
  

  That is how this process becomes most powerful...when it is used in real situations in the real world on real issues so that you directly experience the changes. The "glimmers" are critical.

  
  

  If you are drawn, through having your hair on fire, to set aside some time for meditation, that would make a big difference, both with your self-inquiry throughout the day and the way "your life" goes.  Try any of the "nondual awakening meditation" videos: "Who Am I?, "Letting go, acceptance, surrender","Opposites and spaces", and "Where am I?". 

  
  

  If you're comfortable sitting, it can be in any position, just so you're comfortable and can breathe easily.  It's usually better if you can get your shoulders over your hips so your back supports you naturally.

  
  

  If you don't like to sit, you can walk, or lie down as you can see in my blogposts "lying-down meditation for nondual self-inquiry...really???" @  and "nondual, self-inquiry meditation while walking". 

  
  

  Start w/counting your breaths, a surprisingly powerful process. The first task is to count your successive exhales from 1 to 10. If you lose your way, which is common at first, then just go back to 1 and start again. When you can count to 10, 3 times, w/o losing your place, then we'll add some self-inquiry.

  
  

  
  

  Rikki

  
  

  
  

  Things arising naturally, of course. Finding myself compelled into nature, to exploration. Went on a 7 mile hike yesterday, lot of fun. Bought a tent/sleeping bags to go camping next weekend. 

  
  

  Almost "0" interest in watching mainstream television, maybe 1-2 shows I enjoy but no great pull to watch them.

  
  

  Can see the things of the world I need to pay attention to arise naturally, like the car, e-mails I need to respond to, without any great organizational effort to make notes.

  
  

  Like you mentioned before - seem more sociable when the time arises, and also perfectly comfortable 'alone'.

  
  

  A few more glimpses of the timeless, perfect state. So incredibly sweet.

  
  

  Also some strong 'negative' emotions arising and taking over for a short time - feel stronger than ever but as we talked about they dance against a stiller background so seem larger. 

  
  

  Fall away faster than before, so less attachment/story line around them.

  
  

  Love not having an agenda in all environments, just being there as it is. Infinitely easier this way. 

  
  

  Thank god.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  
  

  Sounds like things are going really well on all fronts. 

  
  

  Great that the strong 'negative' emotions are shorter, and fall away faster than before, w/less attachment and story line.

  
  

  Great that you're seeing how much easier it is to not have an agenda in any environments. Love your "Thank god."

  
  

  The balance of stillness/alone time w/sociability when "appropriate" is an important thing to achieve; being comfortable in both is key.

  
  
  
  
  Anger

  
  

  
  

   

  Rikki

  
  

  
  

  Wow, what a day.

  
  

  I think as I go deeper and deeper, the flashes of anger become so loud in the stillness.   Today has been the craziest day for a LONG time. 

  
  

  Been super raging today, real anger.  Disagreement with girlfriend and terrible day at work, just can't meditate, can't stop feeling, emotion very strong internally. 

  
  

  Wanting to explode. Overwhelming.

  
  

  Trying to accept, and asking if I can let go of the anger.  

  
  

  There seems to be so much of the 'I' tied up in it, seemingly self-righteous, this superiority coming out again perhaps.

  
  

  What do you advise when emotion is so strong?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  
  

  Get outside and do something physical to release/reduce the anger you have.  If you can find a "story" behind, or underneath, the anger, try to use "let go, let go, let go", or Byron Katie's method.  See blogposts "Surrendering the 'I', letting go of suffering". and "How do i deal with anger?  i can't meditate it away..."  

  
  

  If it's really too intense, just keep going to "cancel, cancel, cancel" with whatever comes up with regard to it.   It is "typical" to find spaces like this. It is stuff that has been bottled up for a long time and can be really surprising.

  
  

  There's nothing you're doing wrong, it is just stuff that needs to work its way to some accommodation or resolution.  It may not all go away at once.  

  
  

  There is always a story w/anger.  It is always founded upon and based on fear of some sort.  See if you can find the fear and welcome it in for a talk. If you recognize the fear and can look at it, it can be decreased significantly.

  
  
  
  
  Letting Go and Alignment

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Rikki

  
  

  Really great meditation in skype yesterday.  It gave my brain a real sweet experience that has been the undercurrent to my day.  Blissful.

  
  

  Definitely feel i've 'stepped back' even more and just watch life do itself.  Found that I really don't want to think or move away from this sweet feeling.  The brain has grabbed it and really enjoys the sweet nectar of stillness.

  
  

  No real motivation to do anything, and yet things are being done.

  
  

  Looking on incredulous and at ease.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  
  

  Sounds great.

  
  

  Wonderful that you can see that the "brain has grabbed it and really enjoys the sweet nectar of stillness."

  
  

  Remain "incredulous and at ease".

  
  

  
  

  Rikki

  
  

  
  

  On a 'personal' note, i've been just "letting go, letting go, letting go", and feeling incredibly good about that.

  
  

  Real peace, no me, just watching. Interested to see what arises out of curiosity not desire. New paradigm.

  
  

  Break dropping chunks of useless data in one go.

  
  

  Beautiful.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  Yes, the new paradigm of "letting go, letting go", is beautiful and surprisingly it feels so amazingly good..."chunks of useless data" falling away, falling away...

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  Rikki

  
  

  
  

  Life continues to dance along beautifully, enjoying letting go and watching as everything works itself out perfectly. The right decision, the right person, at the right time.

  
  

  
  

   I certainly don't make much attempt at anything anymore, have a lot more trust in everything working itself out better than I ever could.

  
  

  Ironically I have a ton of things going on right now, perhaps busiest i've ever been in my life and yet 'I' don't really do anything.

  
  

  Had a deep sense today that it's fun to sit back and watch life this way, every decision, every interaction, taking a back seat, almost like watching a movie and just curious as to what will become of it.

  
  

  Seeing very clearly now that the 'potential' I could feel was life wanting to live itself, the ego was in the way and resisting against that, hence the angst.

  
  

  Thinking 'I' had to do everything, figure out every turn was just plain wrong.

  
  

  Much better to get out of the way and see what arises/happens. Doing things on a much higher level than 'I' could ever have done.

  
  

  Feel an enormously strong urge to get back into mountain biking.  Was into it as a young teen but becoming ill killed that for a long time, only just arisen again.  Funny how i'd forgotten about it for all this time and suddenly the clouds have cleared and there it is again.  Will be interesting to see how life works that one out.

  
  

  I got an 'A' in my math exam, and have been accepted/enrolled into the science course.  Pretty sure i have some pharmacy work experience lined up soon too, along with changing my role in the shop.

  
  

  Interesting to write this as it's all about how much has changed/is changing, and yet no effort really being 'done' on my part. Just getting more and more out the way and being in awe at what happens.

  
  

  Question I have been inquiring/meditating on is 'what is not in alignment with the dance/energy?'. This is a question you asked me a while back and seems to be the right question for me at the moment.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Gary

  
  

  
  

  Sounds like your inquiries are progressing well.

  
  

  The "what is not in alignment w/the dance/energy?" is a powerful question as one develops the feel for what alignment feels like. Anything that isn't in alignment has a whole different feel, jangly and rough, to it.

  
  

  The brain can easily see the contrast and recognize that alignment is "way better". What isn't in alignment becomes increasingly unpleasant as one progresses.

  
  

  Awesome that you got an "A" in your math exams as you were uncertain how that went. Great that you're now into the science course, may have some pharmacy work experience lined up and have moved up in the shop.

  
  

  Just getting out of the way does wonders; She does it so much better than "we" do.   As you say things get done "on a much higher level than 'I' could ever have done it."

  
  

  your observation that life was "wanting to live itself, and the ego was in the way and resisting" is a great one. That's what egos do for a living.

  
  

  stillness

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  BTW1.  Because of great interest, the blog tripped limits w/Blogger for the new magazine format, so comments aren't visible for any posts, but still exist. Google is working on a fix.  Will continue to post to FB and Google+, so can comment there. 

  
  BTW2.  Folk said that Scribd was charging to download my "free" books.  i was not aware of that, but now "opted out" of their "subscription program", which i was automatically placed in.  It should be fixed.

  
  

  BTW3.  Will be presenting @ the Science and NonDuality Conference in San Jose, CA on Oct. 27 @ 11:00 on "Psychedelics and Nondual Awakening Create Similar Perceptions of Reality".  Will be there for the entire conference - if you're around say hello.