Dialogues with Oskar - Fewer thoughts, very still, 2D/3D perceptions, no doership

We have had three subjects in our "Dialogues with..." series - Dominic, Rikki and John, on our communication as we worked through their processes.  

This is our fourth of five blogposts with Oskar from Barcelona, Spain, 45 years old, an IT Service Manager, rock climber and sumi-e painter who has meditated nearly every day for 8 years.  The previous posts were "Dialogues with Oskar - Stressful situations, rock climbing, loneliness, isolation" and "Dialogues with Oskar - Consciousness, resistance, spiritual identity, progress". and "Dialogues with Oskar - new places, losing control, fewer Oskars, love".  

Oskar's e-mail is "tao.te.kat at gmail" and blog - http://petitcalfred.wordpress.com.

This post takes up from the last one, edited from e-mails over the last 3+ years - oldest first.  my comments are italicized.  If anyone wants originals, let me know.

G 

Things are going "perfectly" with your reported changes:

a)      thoughts and consciousness > feeling deep happiness,

b)      more consciousness-bliss and awareness with fewer, and decreased attachment to, self-referential thoughts, 

            c)    increased stability and peace  

            d)   seeing love over everything

This is real progress which will continue and become more stable.   The brain has identified the state that it wants and is refining the neural networks, clearing out unwanted memories and disassembling the egoic/I construct.

As this proceeds, you will observe great states, but they may be followed by periods of confusion.  This is typical as the brain is "carrying away the trash" from the reconstruction.  

The brain is likely working in an orderly fashion.  However, “consciousness” sees this alternating pattern of stillness, stability, love, peace, etc. and a jangled, disordered state. 

   

In your “knowledge" work, planning and problem-solving thoughts carrying out those functions are “fine" - they are not emotionally-loaded, or problematic and are not touched by the process. 

If self-referential narrative, emotionally-loaded thoughts arise, use self-inquiry or "let go, let go".  This will develop into a heuristic, an "algorithm", for these problem types, which is automatically invoked, and removes them almost before they can be observed.

Enjoy the dance.

K 

Hi again, dear Sensei so-far-away :)

Things are going on as you said.  I'm so thankful for your help that I hope that someday I could help you in any way or do something for you.  Let me know if the moment arises... whatever...

Self-referential thought is nearly over.  Practical thought happens when it's needed but not about a supposed Oskar.  Some events can upset me for a short moment…but they don’t last.  I let things flow and deepen.  Most of the time there's only stillness.

When a thought about the old-I arises, I feel un-ease almost immediately.  My body doesn’t want an “I”!!!  It's rejecting even the thought of it!

Perception keeps changing.  Not only are things brighter and closer, but also their quality is changing.  Sometimes they feel more 3D than ever and sometimes it’s like a painting.  Will I feel sometime that all I see is One with me?  I'm starting to believe it. :)

My mind is disturbing “me” about whether I should "force" attention or just let go absolutely, letting go of attention... What do you think?

I can be "out-of-this-world" and my body keeps doing and thinking, with no clear “me” and no attention at all for some time.  Or i can force myself to be present and aware of everything, happy and blissful, but it feels artificial.

Probably the answer is to let go of that doubt and let my body-mind do the re-programming work in peace…isn’t it?

Could I send you an original painting?  It would be an expression of my love for you.  

G 

Don't be concerned that "some events can upset me for a short moment".   That is difficult to stop.  Sometimes it is a fast basic response to a situation that the brain evolved to regard as likely dangerous.  Others are just long-conditioned responses.  The blogppost "How do i deal with anger?  i can't meditate it away" may be useful.

The important thing is that they "don't last", as you are finding.  That is where an emotion generates a story with destructive narrative.  It sounds as if you have moved beyond that.

The "unease" when the old "I" tries to manifest is typical as one progresses.  The brain prefers the stillness and Now so it creates a "drug enhancement" process to stay in that space.  As Ramana Maharshi said, "It will become difficult to even manifest thought".  The blogpost "Do drugs, sex, competition and meditation use the same "pleasure" system" describes this.

your perceptions will continue to have this shifting from 2-D to 3-D phenomena.  you may find you will be able to consciously shift back and forth between them, like with one of those visual puzzles where it is either a vase, or two people facing each other.

"All is One" will emerge, unexpectedly.  Don't force it, it will just be there, and then fade away.  you will be left knowing that is the Truth, always.  It will increasingly be felt, at some level, all the time.

  

As far as "forcing" yourself to be present, you have the answer with your "let go of that doubt and let my body-mind do the re-programming work".  you felt that the forced situation was "more artificial".

Only a faint sense of the "I" remains to raise those concerns. 

 

It would be great to have one of your sumi-e paintings. 

 

Wonderful work, here Oskar, wonderful

K  

You're great, Sensei.

Your statement “your perceptions will continue to have this shifting from this 2-D to 3-D phenomena.  you may find you will be able to consciously shift back and forth between them, like with one of those visual puzzles where it is either a vase, or two people facing each other” is exactly what is happening.  I can shift consciously. 

I was very lucky finding your blog... and then you :)

K

 
As you said, things keep deepening, and now "no effort" is clearer than ever.

Oskar not-doing
in the Now

I'm starting to feel very light - Oskar is really disappearing slowly.

Meditation is effortless and deeper than ever.  It really doesn’t matter if there are thoughts or not.  They as less and less present.  I see clearly that the thought-process is just a question of clinging.   If you don’t attach to things and events, thoughts relax... But they're not a problem anyway, no more...

The feeling of non-doership is growing.  Everything gets done spontaneously in the “now”, with no need to worry.   Strong feelings are even less problematic.  Just life unfolding.  Just touching the surface of my consciousness.

There are no stories about a “me” and thoughts are mainly future plans - very operational ones.

The bliss now is present more than ever, just relaxing and observing.

Subtle changes in perceptions keep coming and going.  I'm starting to forget about practice or progress, but I don’t worry much about it.  Sometimes I'm inside perception, inside scenery (and not behind) and sometimes there's no difference between inside and outside, no distance at all.

The presence of a thought pretending to be Oskar, very rare nowadays, clearly blocks bliss and that kind of perception when it happens.

G 

Unfolding is manifesting perfectly and naturally w/o effort or "doer", just like the famous Soto Zen poem:  Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows, by itself.

Wonderful stuff...

K  

I was reading a comment in your last blogpost:  (“’blah, blah’ – understanding its contents and effects…recent research”)

           “In effect, she is saying that there are multiple layers of self-referencing (experiential with neural correlates), of varying intensities, that separate dual and non-dual experience.  In your particular case, all the layers ceased simultaneously.  As you point out, there may be other ways to “skin the cat” as well.”

That's my case right now.   As you said, as I keep my practice and keep living, my brain seems to be re-programming in an organic way how it works.   Every few weeks it feels like something is missing in reference to self-referential thoughts.  

There are subtle changes quite often, no big bangs, or new kenshos, but subtle changes.  Lots of changes are hard to describe, others are clear, like no wandering thoughts about past or myself, no sensation of time, etc.

Non-dual luminosity in seeing is very present most of the time, as is that strange property of vision like I'm more inside the scenery.   I'm sure you know what I mean.  

Stillness is also growing (and bliss).   A new state that is very, very, still, and very, very silent is starting to appear from time to time for a short moment.

Conscious thinking is more and more detached from identifying with a "me".  Thoughts come and go when stillness is lost but they are no problem at all, not at all.   No need to even see them as false, no need to do anything right now, they're really “blah, blah, blah”.

The sensation of non-doership is growing - feeling life flow, flowing with the Tao, sitting as a passenger and enjoying a blissful nice travel...

i was interviewed by Maureen Metcalf for the VoiceAmerica Business Channel on "The Brains of Leaders: Manage Your Thinking to Improve Your Effectiveness".  i received no compensation for the interview.